Fair and Unbalanced

Mike Littwin

"The pump don't work 'cause the vandals took the handles."

Coffman scare quote: Keep away from the brownies

I was reading through my Twitter feed — God, is this what, uh, journalism has come to? — when I see Allison Sherry has tweeted this about Mike Coffman:

allison tweet

The Hill has a story about how Colorado and Washington pols want nothing to do with legal pot. This is not exactly a shock. Years ago, Clinton didn’t inhale. And there’s no data, so far anyway, to suggest that the Cheech and Chong look gets anyone elected these days.

For that matter, unless it’s Rob Ford in the picture, you don’t see many pols (publicly) walking around with a bottle of booze. Admitting you’re impaired simply proves the point.

So, at the risk of stating the obvious, pro-pot-guy Jared Polis, when asked if he has smoked the legal stuff, told the Hill, “No, no, no, no.”

Asked if he intended to, he said, “Nope.”

But thanks to Sherry, I read through the entire piece, waiting for the Coffman entry, which didn’t disappoint.

He told the Hill: “I don’t want to show up at some event and somebody’s got … something homemade (with pot in it) … I’m just so paranoid that someday I’m just going to be all wiped out because somebody gave me something.”

Yes, Coffman (proving that you don’t need to take drugs to be paranoid) thinks he’ll go to an event where someone will slip him an edible – anyone got a space cake for Rep. Coffman? — and he’ll turn into a bat or something. Even worse, he worries that he’ll be wasted all day and won’t be able to do the important things getting done in the House, where they’re soon going to vote on, just as one example, a not-going-anywhere anti-abortion bill.

Now that’s what I call being impaired.

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About the Author

Mike Littwin

He has covered Dr. J, four presidential inaugurations, six national conventions and countless brain-numbing speeches in the New Hampshire and Iowa snow.
mlittwin@coloradoindependent.com | Twitter @mike_littwin


  1. John Stephens on said:

    It’s not as weird as it sounds if you recall that Rep. Coffman is a service veteran taught to maintain situational awareness. It’s difficult to be situationally aware when you are contemplating how your belly button manufactures real felt.

  2. Ryecatcher on said:

    Coffman is a “situationally aware” republican robot 24/7. I doubt he even has a “belly button”.

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