Updating The Sin List

Is it a full moon, or is it just a ripe day for news of the scandalous and the depraved? It’s enough to toss out those outdated deeds of sloth and gluttony, and usher in a new list of sins. But first, the Jane Eyre Quote Of The Day goes to …… Lisa Marie Presley, pregnant daughter of Elvis, who, according to the Associated Press, has sued a British newspaper for alleging that she was “piling on the pounds because of her unhealthy appetite.”

“Once they got a glimpse of my expanding physique a few days ago, they have been like a pack of coyotes circling their prey whilst eerily howling with delight,” she said on her blog.

And then there’s corruption busting New York Democratic Gov. Eliot Spitzer, his not-so-happy wife standing by, apologizing after he was accused of involvement in a prostitution ring.

“I have disappointed and failed to live up to the standard I expected of myself,” he said at an afternoon press conference. “I must now dedicate some time to regain the trust of my family.”

Meanwhile, on the Left Coast, police in Orange County, Calif., found a suspected drug dealer in a hotel room with a woman’s body packed in dry ice, along with porch swings, toy night-vision goggles and large sake bottles with lamp sockets stuffed into their spouts.

“Everything that happened was for religious reasons,” the suspect, Stephen David Royds, told The Orange County Register.

In Colorado, three 19- and 20-year old Mormon missionaries have been sent back to their home states after photos appeared online showing them vandalizing a Catholic shrine in the San Luis Valley, including one photo showing a missionary holding a head that was broken off of a statue of a saint. At least one church elder expressed surprise.

“They’re fabulous young men,” Robert Fotheringham, president of the Colorado Springs Mission of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, told The Rocky Mountain News. “I love them like sons. They’ve done fabulous service except for this … that’s why this is so out of character.”

And finally, the Catholic Church has updated its list of sins, to include pollution, mind-damaging drugs and genetic experiments.

“If yesterday sin had a rather individualistic dimension, today it has a weight, a resonance, that’s especially social, rather than individual,” explained Monsignor Gianfranco Girotti, the head of the Apostolic Penitentiary, to The Associated Press.

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Cara Degette

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