Miniature golf will turn you commie. At least, that’s what Newsradio 850 KOA’s gum-flapper Jon Caldara wants you to think.
In this installment of the most profane, intellectually-stunted, and ludicrous statement made on Colorado talk radio today, Caldara takes on the true evil empire against American capitalist values: green artificial turf and talking fiberglass animals. From the February 20 broadcast railing about the City of Denver’s decision to use excess revenue from its golf courses to build a $1.7 million state-of-the-art 36-hole putt-putt course and club house for residents:
CALDARA: Why is it that middle-class guys, or even rich guys, should get a subsidy when they play putt-putt golf?
CALLER: I don’t play putt-putt golf. To me, that’s a waste of time.
CALDARA: You missed my point, [caller].
CALLER: [laughs] I know what you’re saying.
CALDARA: You know, here’s the thing. If people —
CALLER: It’s sort of irrelevant for me because it doesn’t —
CALDARA: — if people want to play putt-putt golf in this society, they’re wealthy enough to pay — play putt-putt golf. For those people who are too small, or handicapped, or too poor, great — let’s give them a direct cash subsidy so that they can go off and play putt-putt golf. You don’t need to spend millions of dollars to build a putt-putt golf course —
CALLER: I agree —
CALDARA: — tax free.
CALLER: I feel the same way about the Broncos stadium —
CALLER: — and all of those kinds of things, where we really don’t have much of a say in it; either that or the general public are just ignorant and vote for things that they’re not really thinking about.
CALDARA: It’s about the heartstrings. They’ll pull on the heartstrings, and now the city’s going to play — pay — have already paid six hundred thousand dollars, has a world-renowned putt-putt golf course designer working on this. And this is supposed to be something we’re proud of. I mean, check this out: the Rocky Mountain News, the mouthpiece for these things — and it’s just a shame that government puts out press releases and the press gobbles them up without any sort of questioning if this is a good idea. Um, da-da-da-dum. [Reading from the News article] “Last year, the city approved a” one — excuse me — “a five hundred and one thousand-dollar design contract with New Jersey-based Harris Miniature Golf Courses Inc., which has been in business for more than 30 years.” Then they have a pull-quote here: “To see examples of Harris’ other miniature golf courses go to Harrisminigolf.com and click on picture gallery.” This is a frickin’ advertisement for government-run competition to the private sector. There is —
CALDARA: — not a single — no, there’s not even, there’s not even the usual tiny quote in the background that says “not everybody is happy about them going into the private sector.”
CALLER: You know what it is? It’s basically socialism creeping up on us.
CALDARA: Absolutely. And it feels so good. Who would’ve — when we think socialism, we think, you know, Lenin popping up there; we think Karl Marx. We never think it’s going to be the faces of little kids playing putt-putt golf that’s going to turn us into a socialist nation. And you know what? That’s one of the steps.
Yeah! It’s a vodka-infused slippery slope from publicly-funded mini golf to government-sponsored health care, comrade. Just don’t expect to play a skins game in your Che Guevara tee shirt.