Jesus Sez It’s An Orange Day

Our friends over at the Colorado Springs-based blog Newspeak recently uncovered the amazing Threat Alert Jesus.

Threat Alert Jesus is a “beautifully sculpted figurine … molded out of high impact plastic,” that receives signals directly from the bureau of Homeland Security and its halo changes colors in conjunction with the terrorist threat alert chart.

Unfortunately, it’s a hoax.

Keep reading.The dead giveaway, of course, is the 555-LORD telephone number. The 555 prefix is most often used for phone numbers in television and movies.

We weren’t the only ones wishing the Threat Alert Jesus was true. A quick search of the Web turned up disappointment over what was, apparently, an April Fool’s joke.

Here are some comments posted on a blog devoted to security and security technology

First, from someone posted as “Saved”:






And here’s another:

I’d really like to have the Threat Alert Jesus. It’s almost depressing that it’s only an April Fool’s joke. :-/

I don’t care if it rains or freezes, just as long as I got my Threat Alert Jesus!

And yet more wishful thinking, from someone who signed the message “Hillary Clinton”:

I dialed the number 1-800-555-LORD with my credit card in hand and ready to order about ten of these things.

For some reason, I could not get through.

I then called Mr. Chertoff to see if he could help me. I was told he was still returning calls from Katrina victims and later he is going on a tropical vacation to the North Pole.

Oh well.

Poor hesteric folks like us have to suffer.

Please, Please, anyone; does anyone have the right phone number for this gizmo?

Cara DeGette is a senior fellow at Colorado Confidential, and a columnist and contributing editor at the Colorado Springs Independent. E-mail her at

Comments are closed.