It’s not yet October. Next year’s primary isn’t even on the far side of the horizon. The general election is a year and more than two months away. And already we are in the twilight zone — actually make that the South Indian Ocean, on a journey with Doug Lamborn and the little people of Lilliput.
In what some would characterize as outstandingly eccentric, one of Rep. Lamborn’s most ardent supporters has penned an essay chalk full of scrumptious allegory in which – hold on tight – the freshman Republican Colorado congressman has become Gulliver and the rest of us little people are fighting over how to eat an egg. And Jeff Crank and Bentley Rayburn, who are challenging Lamborn next year, are the littlest of all.
Dave Crater’s Masterpiece, as we’ll call it, was published yesterday on Backbone America, the Website belonging to former state Senate President John Andrews. OK, so on closer read, Crater’s work of genius needs some interpretation – if he really wants readers to decipher what on earth he’s talking about.
We’re happy to oblige. Keep reading for a paragraph-by-paragraph translation of Crater’s essay:Lamborn among the Lilliputians
by Dave Crater
Sept. 24, 2007
Congressman Doug Lamborn (R-CO5) couldn’t have known when he first waded into Colorado politics over a decade ago that he would wash ashore on Lilliput. Such seems to be the case, however. As you remember, Jonathan Swift created two fictional islands in his 1726 classic, Gulliver’s Travels, Lilliput and Blefuscu. No disproof having been established, one assumes that both islands are, still today, located in the South Indian Ocean, separated by a channel 800 yards in width, and inhabited by people “not six inches high.”
TRANSLATION: Not sure who, but somebody appears to be on an acid trip.
More to the point for the purpose of current politics: When a shipwrecked and still asleep Lemuel Gulliver washed up on the shores of Lilliput and was captured by little people who tied him down before he awoke, he discovered that the two islands were permanently at war over the correct way to eat a boiled egg. Still today, the inhabitants of Blefuscu are firmly convinced the correct way to eat a boiled egg is to start at the rounded end. The Lilliputians are equally convicted that, still today, no civilized person eats a boiled egg any way except sharp end first.
TRANSLATION: Doug Lamborn has awoken to find himself tied down. He is hungry and wants an egg.
Though Gulliver is a giant compared to the Lilliputians, he does not return their hostility in kind, but rather helps to aid them in various ways before, for no other reason than his refusal to take part in their selfish perfidies, he again earns their fickle and shallow scorn.
TRANSLATION: Lamborn is a good Republican trooper who does not deserve to be the target of selfish perfidies.