Now that we

    Just like their reticence to detail exactly what they plan to spend 50 million smackers on for security during the Democratic National Convention, Denver city officials haven’t released their plans for what they plan to do with any mutineers that get nabbed. (Anyone notice a pattern here?) But, in a country with about one of every 138 people in jail or prison, the opportunities for the latest in capture gear are endless.

    The Capture Hood

    The manufacturer claims this black sheath was developed for an unspecified “government agency” – gee, dare we venture a guess? Intended for “military training and for hostage and similar training,” the “capture hood” can also be used for related tactical situations — including taking prisoners to “holding pens” in undisclosed sites.

    $27.95 each

    The Capture Blindfold

    This was developed by for the United States Special Forces as a replacement for “the now very controversial sandbags” (whatever those are — by contrast, these blindfolds apparently are not controversial at all). The blindfolds are currently being used in both Iraq and Afghanistan. According to the manufacturer: “The capture blindfold effectively eliminates all vision. Much easier to carry than painted over goggles.”

    $16.50 each, if you order more than 100 of them

    The “Spit Net”

    Cost of a bite to the wrist? Not sure, considering today’s inflationary dollars and the current cost of health care. Cost of deflecting a loogie hocked onto your face? Priceless.

    At a current special deal of $34.25 for a five-pack, these “Spit Nets” (which are effective against biting too) are a real bargain. Ideal for prisoner transport.

     

     

    The Cuff Aide

    Cuff aides are used by the U.S. Marshall Service to transport high security prisoners. The manufacturer notes that you can see these cuffs in action in a show called "Convict Air" on the Discovery channel. These cuffs, made of heavy mesh, are designed to limit a prisoner’s ability to pick up contraband or weapons. They’re a steal at $54.95, given they are already appearing in a TV show on the Discovery Channel, for God’s sake.

     

     

     

    These Color Coded Handcuffs come in orange, yellow and red, and hold promise that you will be shuttled between free speech zones, jail and court in style. Special matching Colorado Coded Leg Irons sold separately.

    $34.95 each for the wrist cuffs; $69.95 for the standard leg irons.

     

     

    Jail Wear

    The PX Direct Web site is currently offering a “monthly special” price on orange jumpsuit prison uniforms. But really, nothing says “Don’t even think about trying to escape” than your basic black ‘n’ white striped Old Time Chain Gang 2-Piece Uniform.

    The chain gang suits are also available in green/white, orange/white and blue/white. Shirts are $19.95 and trousers are $24.95. And, for the skivvies, look no further than Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s famous pink boxer shorts.

    Restraint Chair

    In recent years jailers have come to view the Restraint Chair as Old Reliable — a Barcalounger of sorts for unruly inmates. Anything that can move on a person — hands, wrists, shoulders, feet, neck, butt — just strap it on down.

    The manufacturer indicates this chair — at a whopping $1,445 a pop — “safely restrains a combative or self destructive person.” Oh, but you may want to make sure to check in on the immobilized guy — or gal — every once in a while. These devices have been known to result in a need for, um, immediate medical attention. Oh, and never leave someone on the chair for more than two hours. Oh, and you’re not supposed to use it for “punishment.”

    Restraint Board

    One manufacturer used to make a restraint board out of natural wood, and actually claimed the face-down design would “calm” the agitated prisoner with its natural outdoorsy scent. But this model, with its “6-point Humane Restraint Nylon Non-Locking Restraints.” appears to have abandoned such niceties. But this model sure does look comfy — as long as you’re sleeping, which most prisoners would be apt to be doing, just like the guy in the picture, when strapped onto this board. And “The Board” doesn’t come cheap. Get ready to shell out $925 — the Locking Nylon Restraints and Leather Restraints cost extra.

    See you in Denver!

    This is the fourth and final installment in a four day series exploring the array of modern-day police toyz and gadgets that may be on display during the Democratic National Convention this Aug. 25-28.

    Read the full series:

    Part 1: Bringing On The Big Boyz

    Part 2: Happiness is a Red-Hot Pepperball Launcher

    Part 3: Baton Twirling In Style

    Part 4: Now that we’ve got you, let’s go to jail.

    Major credit and thanks for assistance with this package goes to a Colorado researcher and writer who is not planning to participate in the August convention but prefers to remain unnamed for fear of retribution.

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