Now a word from fictional President Bartlet…

    I love The West Wing. I find myself taking notes on what politics could become if only our leaders acted more like, well, leaders. West Wing creator Aaron Sorkin recently wrote a fictional dialog between real presidential candidate Barack Obama and fake President Josiah Bartlet. It’s positively brilliant.

    Of the four seasons penned by Sorkin I always liked the campaign episodes the best, especially the flashbacks to Bartlet’s first run for president. It depicted how campaigns could and should run. Oh sure, the whole thing took place in a fictional world, but that world came close enough to our own that real lessons and real ideas could translate into real actions — if only our politicians had the nerve to follow the example.

    New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd coaxed this gem from Sorkin, and it only makes me long even more for just a few more episodes of this marvelous TV show. The highlights:

    BARTLET That was a hell of a convention.

    OBAMA Thank you, I was proud of it.

    BARTLET I meant the Republicans. The Us versus Them-a-thon. As a Democrat I was surprised to learn that I don’t like small towns, God, people with jobs or America. I’ve been a little out of touch but is there a mandate that the vice president be skilled at field dressing a moose —

    OBAMA I appreciate your sense of humor, sir, but I really could use your advice.

    BARTLET Well, it seems to me your problem is a lot like the problem I had twice.

    OBAMA Which was?

    BARTLET A huge number of Americans thought I thought I was superior to them.

    OBAMA And?

    BARTLET I was.

    OBAMA I mean, how did you overcome that?

    BARTLET I won’t lie to you, being fictional was a big advantage.

    OBAMA They pivoted off the argument that I was inexperienced to the criticism that I’m — wait for it — the Messiah, who, by the way, was a community organizer. When I speak I try to lead with inspiration and aptitude. How is that a liability?

    BARTLET Because the idea of American exceptionalism doesn’t extend to Americans being exceptional. If you excelled academically and are able to casually use 690 SAT words then you might as well have the press shoot video of you giving the finger to the Statue of Liberty while the Dixie Chicks sing the University of the Taliban fight song. The people who want English to be the official language of the United States are uncomfortable with their leaders being fluent in it.

    OBAMA The problem is we can’t appear angry. Bush called us the angry left. Did you see anyone in Denver who was angry?

    BARTLET Well … let me think. …We went to war against the wrong country, Osama bin Laden just celebrated his seventh anniversary of not being caught either dead or alive, my family’s less safe than it was eight years ago, we’ve lost trillions of dollars, millions of jobs, thousands of lives and we lost an entire city due to bad weather. So, you know … I’m a little angry.

    OBAMA What would you do?

    [And now for the big Bartlet monologue…]

    BARTLET GET ANGRIER! Call them liars, because that’s what they are. Sarah Palin didn’t say “thanks but no thanks” to the Bridge to Nowhere. She just said “Thanks.” You were raised by a single mother on food stamps — where does a guy with eight houses who was legacied into Annapolis get off calling you an elitist? And by the way, if you do nothing else, take that word back. Elite is a good word, it means well above average. I’d ask them what their problem is with excellence. While you’re at it, I want the word “patriot” back. McCain can say that the transcendent issue of our time is the spread of Islamic fanaticism or he can choose a running mate who doesn’t know the Bush doctrine from the Monroe Doctrine, but he can’t do both at the same time and call it patriotic. They have to lie — the truth isn’t their friend right now. Get angry. Mock them mercilessly; they’ve earned it. McCain decried agents of intolerance, then chose a running mate who had to ask if she was allowed to ban books from a public library. It’s not bad enough she thinks the planet Earth was created in six days 6,000 years ago complete with a man, a woman and a talking snake, she wants schools to teach the rest of our kids to deny geology, anthropology, archaeology and common sense too? It’s not bad enough she’s forcing her own daughter into a loveless marriage to a teenage hood, she wants the rest of us to guide our daughters in that direction too? It’s not enough that a woman shouldn’t have the right to choose, it should be the law of the land that she has to carry and deliver her rapist’s baby too? I don’t know whether or not Governor Palin has the tenacity of a pit bull, but I know for sure she’s got the qualifications of one. And you’re worried about seeming angry? You could eat their lunch, make them cry and tell their mamas about it and God himself would call it restrained. There are times when you are simply required to be impolite. There are times when condescension is called for!

    Bartlet ’08!

    Colorado Independent’s blogumnist (blogger-columnist) Jeff Bridges has worked in Democratic politics for the last 10 years, serving as communications director for two congressional races in Colorado and two governor’s races in the Deep South. Bridges also worked as a legislative assistant in Washington, D.C., with a focus on military and small business issues.