News Nuggets, 17 August 2009: Trespass with Bruce; waltz with Delay

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WHY DOES COSTCO HATE DOUG BRUCE? He didn’t kick anyone as far as we know. But there are hours left in the day. Doug Bruce, the father of Colorado’s revered Taxpayer Bill of Rights, was trespassing today at a Colorado Springs Costco, collecting signatures for another anti-tax ballot initiative, apparently pestering customers and just being generally unlikeable and not law abiding. He was hauled away by police with his clipboard and the text for a storm-water amendment.

WALTZ WITH DELAY: What has Tom “The Hammer” Delay been doing since being chased out of office by Texas Grand Jury corruption charges? What else, he has been prepping for a run on Dancing With the Stars, refining a shuffling version of the “politician perp walk.” The Hammer’s impending appearance on Dancing has spurred rumors in Colorado that former U.S. Rep. Tom Tancredo has also been practicing for an appearance on the show. Tancredo is said to be preparing to undertake the very difficult Latin Tango. His version will include him holding his nose throughout.

DOH! Yeah. All of that frightening stuff we encouraged all of you citizens to say about Obama care… Okay, so it was not exactly correct in any strict sense of the term. In fact, although we still disagree with any plan that will force insurance companies to compromise with consumers in any way, that stuff about euthanasia and rationing and all of it, really, it was all made up by a weird guy with a computer in Arizona.

GOOGLE WAR: It’s not enough that journalists no longer have jobs. Non-fiction freelance writers (i.e., all former journalists) are now battling the Google. Good luck comrades. Just remember, if you lose, the Gargantua Google search engine cloud bot of the universe will make your brains searchable!

Jared Polis is scheduled to host a probably not very contentious but perhaps beer-soaked raucous town hall tonight at Boulder’s Souther Sun brewery. “Public option” sign bearers were lining up at 4:30 pm.

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